How hard it is to let go. Of everything. Of everyone. To let go so I can move on. To let go so I can stay in what is.
What if we were so scared of feeling that the only possible way to do it was to get high, jump in, and feel all the feels and be “high” enough to, also, let them go? Because in the end the problem is not so much that a feeling is intense, but that we make it last longer than it has to, we get tangled in it, we can’t let go of the thread, like it’s a lifeline. And the tangling is scary because we lose ourselves in it, we choke and struggle and fight, but the way to safety is to let it go, to let it unravel, to watch the mastery of its disappearing act.
Mind altering experiences can give us enough distance from the fear that we don’t need to hang on so tightly anymore. We might be able to feel, and to see the thread, without choking. They might be the only condition that makes it acceptable to show emotions.
Is this one of the roots of addiction? That our human nature is, indeed, to feel deeply, to feel more, but we don’t know how to?